TOITLE-SHELL HEROES

Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "I've sailed the seven seas."
Said the Toitoise t'th'Toitle, "I've paddled t'm'knees,
But further in I will not go; it's really much too wet!"
Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "You ain't seen nuttin' yet."
He split his shell from end t'end, n'also side t'side,
And in his Toitle swimmin' trunks, launched it in the tide.

Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "Tis toime t'climb aboard."
Said the Toitoise t'th'Toitle, "I've never bin abroad,
Though I know I have relations that weigh in at the ton!"
Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "They sound like lots o'fun!"
And with that quip he raised a mast and set the sail to draw.
T'wind blew hard round t'compass-card and so began the tour.

Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "Take t'helm and steer just so."
Said the Toitoise t'th'Toitle, "Why's it waggle to'n'fro?
And when I push it to the left we sail off to the right?"
Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "I fear you're not too bright!
'Tis starboard on t'one hand and 'tis larboard on t'other;
Or some say port is to t'left, but for me 'tis too much bother."

Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "My spyglass spys new land."
Said the Toitoise t'th'Toitle, "Is there a beach of coral sand,
Cliffs of chalk or towering granite, mangroves by the swamp?"
Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "It's raining; pass t'gamp."
With one accord, they spun t'helm; and filled t'sail once more.
T'gales blew and t'thunder stormed as they scudded from t'shore.

Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "I'm bored with all this travel."
Said the Toitoise t'th'Toitle, "I wanted sand not gravel,
And all we've had is rain and wind, or t'sun has been too hot."
Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "You do complain a lot!"
Day by day and turn about, they watched the far horizon.
Until at last a sight arose, t'was t'best they clapped their eyes on.

Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "Now there's a sight t'see."
Said the Toitoise t'th'Toitle, "Don't tell me that; I've seen t'sea!
And grey and wet it often is, or blue and full of shark."
Said the Toitle t'th'Toitoise, "We'll be home before 'tis dark."
Once on t'beach t'Toitle cried "I'll now resume my shell."
And t'Toitoise sat upon a rock and this tale began to tell ...

— • —

With apologies to Lewis Carol.
Illustration adapted from Arthur's Clipart